4 July 2006 Happy 4th of July from TNE

Long ago, Taste No Evil was conceived by four men who had a dream: a dream of wanting not to have to go to class, to avoid homeroom and to make fun of those around them in a creative and socially acceptable way. Apparently satire isn't mean, but is defined as clever. It is amazing how a different word can make everything all right. Time has passed, and now some of those same TNE staff members have decided that it is time for the world once again to be exposed to our special brand of humor. This is our attempt at a social commentary on life though prose, pictures, and cons (what?) while hopefully making you laugh a little, shake your head in disbelief, raise an eyebrow, cough, ponder life, touch yourself, or at least amuse ourselves in the process.

We launch this blog on the 4th of July, a day of great importance that most of the world doesn't celebrate and most of Americans don't understand. This is a great analogy for our brand of humor. Another great analogy is that old hot dog in the back of the fridge that you decided to cook and eat even though you know you shouldn't and now you feel kinda sick and are looking for a way to get into the bathroom without being too obvious about it. Like that old nasty hotdog that you felt you had to eat to be patriotic, we take that crap that is thrown at us, digest it a little, and throw it back up at you in a form that you can at least relate to.

Check back often for articles, comedic writings and ravings, artistic renditions of your mom, movie analysis, random pictures, and engage yourself in our discussions of life by e-mailing us your thoughts, feelings, deepest desires, or sexy pictures. Avoid the Aftertaste with a fresh helping of Taste No Evil!

We know this is a big deal for many people out there, but we love our country and don't want to steal the eagle-thunder from its birthday, so below is a list of ways that you can help celebrate with America on the Fourth of July other than simply being in wonder of us.

1. Burn something. Americans love fire; we prove it by kicking everyone else's ass in CO2 emissions and we even celebrate the birthday of our country by burning crap. To prove how much you love America, burn something big, like a small city or town. *Note: Taste No Evil does not actually endorse setting anything on fire, even crappy towns. In fact, we did not even just write that.

2. Drink beer. And not that crap from Germany or a microbrewery. Real Americans drink real beer such as Budweiser, Coors, or PBR, and then drive around looking for stuff to light on fire (see 1.). *Note: Taste No Evil does not actually endorse drinking, or drunk driving, or burning anything at all, just pretend we never said that.

3. Pick a fight. Fighting someone is American, and a hell of a way to celebrate America's birthday! It is only fair to pick a fight with someone whom you know you can kick their ass. For many of you out there, this is a limited group of old women. Otherwise, get ready for some QT with the nursing staff. *Note: Taste No Evil does not endorse or encourage you to fight, especially old women; if you think that you just read such a suggestion, read the paragraph again, because you read wrong. If you see the same words again, well, up & take some lessons in a little something called "literacy."

4. Spend time with your family. *Note: Taste No Evil does not encourage anyone to spend actual time with their families.

So there is your list of ways to celebrate the 4th of July in a truly American way... or you could not set anything on fire, not drink and drive, stay out of the hospital, and stay away from your family by reading Taste No Evil and thinking about how much better your life is going to become. Just like the way Europeans made life better for the Indians (feather, not dot) by founding America and starting our tradition of taking names, kicking ass, and then forgetting those names.

HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY from TASTE NO EVIL!